How to Find Hope When Life is Going too Fast

Making Hope a Practice

I mentor moms of kids with invisible disabilities and challenging behaviors. It is my favorite work. Every single woman I work with is a caregiver and has multiple challenges at the same time. They trust me with their stories, and it is an honor. 

(If this is something that you are interested in, follow this link to sign up for a free first session.)

As a special needs mom, there is no period in which there is no challenge. One of these women recently told me, "The wins are so small you can't even recognize them." I can relate to that sentiment. 

Life continually throws things at us; as caregivers, we juggle responsibilities and deal with several crises–not to mention the news, politics, hurricanes, and everything that affects our lives and those we love. During a time like this, hope seems elusive.

If we know life will always be challenging, how do we hold on to hope when it feels like all we can do to keep up and catch our breath? 

Last week, I wrote about coming home to hope. This week, I want to ask the question: how can we embrace and live out the idea of hope?

Let's make hope a practice. 

Before I explain that, let's discuss what I mean by practice. A practice is a habit we repeat, like a guardrail that helps us return to the center when we are discouraged or hopeless.  I am not talking about perfection or wishful thinking; I am talking about an actual physical practice that can ground us in hope.

So, how do we make hope a practice?

We start by slowing down. This is often the last thing I want to do. When dealing with an ongoing crisis, I want to double down, go into overdrive, and find a solution. Slow is often the last thing we want to do in a crisis.

Here is a practice I use: (I have this written on a post-it in my office to remind me) 

SLOW

S: Simple. 

How can I simplify this day, this week, or this challenging period? What can I cut out? Often, I will list all the things that are overwhelming me, the big and the little things. I will write them all down and then ask God to show me what I need to carry today and what I can let go of. It is okay to do less during a difficult time, whether that is serving cereal for dinner, saying no to the request to help at school, or even taking a break from therapies and appointments that are too much for this period. Simplifying can bring a sense of relief and lessen the burden. 

So, what can you do to make today more simple?

L: Listen 

Listening takes a lot of work, especially in times that feel hopeless. We tend to worry that this will never end, and we look anxiously at the unknown future or look over our shoulders at our past with fear and regret. But slowing down to listen and pay attention will serve us well as we try to practice hope.

So how can you listen to your body, soul, and God? 

What does your body need today? A walk, a nap, another coffee?

What does your soul need? Quiet? Music? Stillness?

What is God saying?

O: Open your hands

I call this the spiritual practice of unclenching my fists. As caregivers, we are highly functioning; we get things done and are always supposed to have an answer. That is too much pressure! Open your hands and unclench your fists. You may have to pry one finger at a time, but give yourself relentless permission to say, "I don't know how this will turn out; I do not have the answer; I am not in control." 

All the nights you lay in bed thinking, how will my kids make it in the world, and what's gonna happen next year when they're in middle school? You are allowed to say to yourself, "I don't know for now. I don't need to know." It doesn't mean that you will not think of it again the day before middle school, but it does mean that you will have a little breathing space as you can be more yourself. 

W: Wait with Hope

I love this prayer by Thomas Merton: 

“Give me the strength to wait upon you in silence and peace.” (Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation) 

We can wait with hope. 

In episode #336 of The Next Right Thing, Emily P. Freeman interviews Carrie Newcomer. Carrie says this: “Hope is holding in creative tension, everything that is with everything that could and should be, and each day taking some action to narrow the distance between the two.” She attributes this quote to Parker Palmer.

Practicing simplicity, listening, opening our hands, and waiting with hope can help us discern what that small action can be, and that is how we make hope a practice.

How can you practice SLOW today?

Let me add that this is not a one-and-done practice, and I am not under the illusion that this simple practice of SLOW will make us bursting with hope. That is not life. This takes work and sometimes that is the last thing we want to do when we feel hopeless. I am encouraged by the words of Emily P. Freeman: “The heartache will always be here, arriving without any effort. But the joy, the hope, and the help? They have to come from us on purpose.”

What steps are you taking today to make hope a practice? 

I would love to know - share in the comments!

Peace, 

Amy

P.S. Here is a SLOW worksheet to help you get started: